Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Is It Easy Being A Parent For JUST A Few Hours?

I guess it all boils down to a few things...1.Do you love kids?2.Is it your kid that you are parenting?

Oh well,when I was in China,I had my chance of "being a parent" for a few hours.I learnt a few things about parenting while I was there...

See this cute boy here?He's my cousin Jia Jia.He's 7 this year.Kind of reminds me of my younger days.Jia Jia is an active kid,he loves running around,exploring new things and lastly,he can be full of pranks.

There were a few occasions,my uncle told me to take care of him when the of them were not with us.Initially I did have a little challenge in making him stay in sight.Being active and curious,Jia Jia loves to move around.Sometimes I can lose sight of him if I'm shopping.

He can suddenly "disappear" and I had to look for him.I got a little frustrated initially.

BUT...

Come and think of it...wasn't I like that when I was his age?I kinda ignore what the adults said.I would run wild and explore whatever new places that I find interesting.

I wonder how my older cousins felt when they had to look after me during my younger days.I hereby apologise for all the inconvienence caused.Probably God is giving me a taste of handling an active kid.

When I'm in Singapore,I hear young parents nagging their kids "Hey,can you please don't do that?" and "Please lah,I beg you,can you be more well-behaved?".

Whenever I hear that,I always think that these parents don't know how to handle their kids.However,this time round...I was in their position.I was nagging Jia Jia.Of course I didn't use the 2 sentences mentioned above.



I merely told him not to wander around and not to touch the floor with his hands.Apparently my words fell on deaf ears.He continued to do as he wished.My nagging continued.

Oh no,I thought to myself.I seem to be in the same position of the young parents I see in Singapore.But then what can I do?He's not my kid and I can't use my method to discipline him.(But of course that's not a good method to use.)




Are you wondering what's my method?OK,I'll tell you.My method is very simple.I will tell you nicely what not to do.If you continue,I'll issue a warning.If my warning is not heeded,when you get home,you'll get it from me.It's that simple.

But he is not my kid,I can't possibly use this method.I decided to try another method...

I started to try to talk sense to him.Explain to him why he mustn't do this and why he mustn't do that.After the explaination,then I'll tell him the penality if he disobeys.My penality is that I won't bring him out if he disobeys me.

Now,this method really works.On our 2nd outing,he was very obedient.Didn't cause any problems.Wow,that's a new way of doing it.My parents use to cane and slap me when I disobeyed.

But did that help?It didn't.I became more rebellious.I didn't like it when people threaten me.


I think ultimately there's one important thing to understand...Kids are very innocent.There's no such thing as a bad kid.To me,bad kids are "made",not born.All kids are born good.

Kids may be talkative,disobedient and mischievious.It's because they want to have fun.They never have any ill-intentions to cause their parents or teachers to be angry.In fact,they want the approval of their parents and teachers.

The problem is that parents and teachers keep telling them they are bad.And never give them a chance to be good.Like myself for instance...

In primary school,my behaviour was always "Fair","Satisfactory".It was never "Good" or "Very Good".My mum will always say "Can't you be a good boy?Your results may be good,but your behaviour should be good or very good.".

After hearing what she said,I tried my best to be "good".But most of my teachers never gave me a chance.Except Mrs Sylvia Yeo,Mrs Collen Sheares and Mrs Tan(my chinese teacher).These 3 teachers believed in me.They told me I had potential and always offered words of encouragement to me.

Singapore should have more teachers like them.During their lessons,I did try to be "good".And they did tell me that I can be "good".The other teachers told me I was bad,I was naughty and etc...

End result?I became more "bad" and naughty than ever.I would keep disrupting lessons and really give them a hard time.I would get hit by rulers and get canned.But did all these stop me?They didn't.

But I wish to say here that I didn't harbour any ill-intentions towards any of my teachers.I didn't have the intention to cause them anyway problems.I was just talkative and mischievious when I was young that's all.Probably they couldn't accept me back then.

Coming back to my cousin Jia Jia...I think he's much more well behaved than me.He was willing to give my uncle(his dad) and my grandpa leg massage when they came back home.I never did those things when I was a kid.

I would try to find people to play some pranks on.Many of my relatives couldn't stand me back then.If anyone got targeted,God bless them.Hahahaha.But those days are over.I've got past the stage of playing pranks.Though now I play different games.

If you are a parent and your kid is giving you problems,just be patient with him/her.Always try to talk sense before you nag or punish him/her.Make your kid understand why you want him/her to do something and not do another thing.

Nagging will cause you to "lose your power".If you talk in a very serious tone,your kid will know that you really mean business.Usually kids will "stop their nonsense" when being spoken to in a very serious tone.I think that works quite well.Don't need to get angry or frustrated.

Probably God's training me up to be a good parent to my 4 kids.Praise God,He's always "upgrading" me.

Hope you've enjoyed this post.More are coming...

Monday, May 07, 2007

How I Learnt About The Power Of Love From A Great Couple

What you are about to read...is a love story of 2 people who are thousands of miles apart.And yet they overcame all the obstacles to their relationship.

Imagine this...you are in Singapore and your girlfriend is in the United States of America.How would you maintain the relationship?Would you have given up?If someone better came along?

I do not know this myself.But I saw the power of love for the first time in my life.Of course there are books and dramas that talk and show the power of love.But trust me,experiencing and seeing it first hand is another thing altogether.

Let me introduce my 2 good friends...the charming,smiley guy is Justin.Justin has been my friend since our army days.Time flies.We met in 2001,it's already 2007 now.But we are still very good friends.

Our common interest is good food.We love eating good food and make it a point once per month to meet up for some nice buffet.Justin is a very friendly and reliable chap.If he promises to do something for you,he'll do it.

But sometimes being too nice a guy causes others to take advantage of him.

The cute gal with the nice smile is Connie,Justin's fiancee.Or the future Mrs Zhang.Connie is a very friendly person.She is a good listener.A nice person to talk to.

On yes,those are not their kids by the way.They are not married yet.But they sure look like a happy family.


How they met?Well,through the Internet of course.When I first heard this news,I was happy and concerned at the same time.Throughout all the years,I've been through a lot of internet dating and my experience hasn't been that great.

I was happy that my friend had found his true love,but I was also skeptical at the same time.Whether the realtionship will really work out?My experience told me that relationships formed over the internet are very "shaky" or unstable.

Things go on fine until the day when both parties meet each other.I was afraid that my good friend might get hurt.After all,he has been hurt a few times during his schooldays.But I didn't want to discourage him.

Sometime last year,Justin told me he was going over to see Connie in the States.That was my first lesson...LOVE KNOWS NO DISTANCE.

No matter how far,if 2 people really love each other,they will somehow meet up.No matter what it takes,they will still meet up.

Then I realised another thing...Justin seem to have changed to another person.During our army days,he wasn't as happy as he is now.Connie became the "light of his life".She brightened up his life.I have never seen Justin smile so much before.

Whenever he talks to me about her,I can literally feel his joy.It's as if I'm also in a great relationship like him.

Of course when the relationship is in it's "honey-moon" period,everything is fine.There will be no quarrels.Both parties will find each other the "best person" in the world.Does that happend to you?It happended to me before.

Their first obstacle came one day.I won't elaborate here because it's their private affair.Justin was pretty sad.But after sometime they managed to resolved it.I kept asking myself...if I was in Justin's position,what would I do?I'll probably have given up.But Justin didn't.He decided to love all the way.

I really salute him for that.(Hey,I don't just salute anyone.People salute me usually.)Hahaha my army friends know what I mean by that.

But seriously,I salute him for his decication to the relationship.

Now how do they maintain the relationship,despite being so far away from each other?Justin tells me that he calls Connie every night at around 10:30pm.It's morning in the States.They would talk and after which he'll go and sleep.

I think when people are really in love,they can talk every night and don't find it a chore.Probably I have yet to find someone whom I can talk to every night and don't get bored.As a person born under the Monkey sign,I get bored easily.It's not easy to sustain my interest.

Or maybe because I wasn't really in love back then?One of my ex girlfriends like to talk on the phone every night.For the first few weeks I was okay with it.But after that it really became a chore.Especially when you've just met up earlier.

Is it my fault?I don't know.Someone enlighten me.But I don't like to waste too much time on the phone.As a busy businessman,I have a lot of things to do.I can't afford to talk 2 to 3 hours on the phone every night.My ex was very angry with me when I made that comment.

She told me that my business was more important than her.Well,it's true.If my business don't work out,who is going to support the family?

But since it's working out for Justin and Connie,I think I should change my thinking and strike a balance on the phone conversations.That is for my next girlfriend.If you are reading this,please don't blame me if I spend too little time on the phone with me.

For the past 2 weeks,I met up with Justin and Connie twice over meals and outing.It was Connie's first time in Singapore.I realised one thing,photos are deceiving.Connie looks a lot better in person than in the photos.

Haha I think I do too.:P

The thing I gained was I finally knew how to really love and care for someone else.After looking at them,I think I'll be a better boyfriend.I was very touched by them.Connie has problems walking,and yet Justin was willing to accept her for who she was.

That was really great love being demonstrated.Justin will walk slowly with her and keep a lookout for her,making sure that she could walk properly without slipping.We went to many places which weren't really flat ground.But Justin is always looking after Connie to make sure she is ok.

We went to a few places.To the Chinatown Heritage Center,to eat Outram Park Roasted Meat(my favourite roast meat stall) and to Little India.Just by looking at them was a good enough reward.But of course,I enjoyed their company tremendously too.

Oh yes,one more thing that came to my mind...If you want to manifest a great relationship,try to take a look at people with a great relationship.Feel their joy.Then try to visualise yourself in that relationship which you desire.

It may not be the same person you are looking at.Visualise yourself with someone you like.You may not know the person.But just visualise the looks.Imagine as if you are really holding hands with that person that you want to be with.

Think of the words you'll say to each other.Get into the intense feeling of excitement and anticipation.Keep doing that and you'll be able to attract that relationship you desire soon.Remember,you must add in feelings.Don't just visualise.Visualise with feelings.

Of course,I'm practicing what I preach.Whatever I mentioned above,I'm doing it myself.You are not alone.I don't preach things that I don't practice.

Saturday,5th May,I went to Changi Airport to see Connie off with Justin.I felt sad.I would miss Connie.Justin probably felt worse than me.He told me he wasn't going home after the sentoff.Despite feeling sad inside,Justin was very encouraging towards me.

I was asking Connie when she'll come back again to Singapore.She told me probably 2 years later.I told Justin that 2 years later I'll probably get attached or married.He told me it'll be a good thing,the woman that I choose would be very lucky.

Why?I was puzzled.I asked him why...he told me that I was someone who will also love all the way.Am I?I didn't know myself.I only knew I got hurt in the process last time.

But Justin told me something which I had already forgotten.It was 6 years ago...

He reminded me that I was willing to learn stitching just to make something for one of my ex-girlfriends.I have forgotten about that.After he telling me,I remembered that I gave the half-conpleted stitch to "302".

Because the relationship ended before I finished stitching.

But on second thoughts...yes.Even though that ex wasn't worth my effort,I shouldn't hold back in loving someone.Like Justin and Connie.They loved each other completely.I will follow their example in this.

After all...the one who is chosen by me should deserve the best from me right?Hahaha,we'll see about that.

Anyway,I'm going away on Wednesday.Won't be blogging for a while.I'll be back on 18th May.Probably you will hear about my travels.I'm going to Xiamen.

Meanwhile,stay prosperous and God bless.